Look in More

Waking up knowing I am going to surf, a feeling overcomes my body-- in my gut. I feel a slight sinking feeling, not the kind of feeling like when you find out someone has betrayed you, or that something bad has just happened, but that feeling of fear and anticipation that you are about to do something that simultaneously scares you, thrills you, and brings you to your happy place, whatever, wherever that may be. Well for me its the ocean. I am most scared of it because I see in it characteristics that I most admire about myself as well as what most terrifies me. 

The ocean is deep. Seemingly it looks simple, peaceful at times,  the color blue--but what is really going on in there? You look at the ocean and at first glance you almost imagine that you know everything, that you have this complete and accurate idea of what lies within it. Its power is unlike any other. It is not hard like a rock, it cannot be overtly felt, if you grip it too hard it slides right between your fingers. The ocean's power is subtle, it sneaks up on you. You observe its peace and just as you turn your head for a second you feel its power as you are pummeled by a set of waves crushing you beneath its surface, holding you under. It teaches you humility. 

The ocean cannot simply be seen with the naked eye but to experience its true depth it must be felt. The temperature and texture of the water against your skin, its immense and seemingly  never-ending nature, its ability to make you feel miniature while simultaneously complete as your immersion in its depth makes you feel a part of its beautiful complexity.

For me--surfing is difficult at times-- and feels seamless and euphoric at others. The mentality begins when I wake, and I know I am going to surf. You check the surf reports, load your boards on the car, arrive at the beach, then you look-- with your eyes. You see the waves, how they are forming, where they are breaking, their size--you watch their behavior--they are alive. You  marvel at the thought of joining with this living process of nature and honor and respect the ability to even be able to do so.   

The ocean like us is constantly changing, fluid, moving, but then it is still. It teaches us to listen--this lesson comes quickly. To me you are a surfer if in your heart you honor the beautiful body of water that holds you--supports you in a way that is unlike the hard earth's surface. You listen with humility and your goal is not to conquer, but to share. You respect its power to carry you across a gliding wave as well as its ability to suffocate you when you do not flow with its energy, when you do not listen.

It is this process of listening, attention, and awareness that allows us to appreciate the beauty of being alive. It doesn't have to be surfing, for me the ocean has shown me presence of my own body, my being within nature, and how to become in sync with the energies of the universe. It has shown me humility, that the only thing I have power over is myself and how I choose to synthesize my energy with that which is around me. It has shown me that sailing is not always smooth, that sometimes things are discordant but just the same it is just as beautiful to have your attention meet there in that difficult place-- to face it. To look the wave in the eye just as it is about to crush you-- and to breathe. 

This is the beauty of being alive. To listen with your body, mind, and spirit. If we are not present, if we are not listening, if we are thinking about the next step we do not enjoy our journey, we are not present within our lives, we are not happy. Happiness lies in our ability to enjoy the moment we are in. Life is not about getting to the top, it is not about riding the wave, it is about showing up, every day-- with every ounce of your being, and to surrender your being into each moment.