We all change. Everyday I feel like a different person. I let everything move me, maybe not permanently, unless I want it to. Every experience, every person, every place, I let it enter my soul and reside there for a while, for that moment in time it is a part of me. Then I choose which parts of it I want to keep. I synthesize it into who I want to be or what naturally resonates within me.
Ever been known for something? The way you wear your hair? Your eye color? clothing style? Sarcasm? Quick wit? Relentless pessimism?
Whatever it is, others notice it. They see this thing, or this way about you and then begin to define you by it, place you into a category of people that look like this or people that act like that. Maybe at the time you think it's funny, you embrace it, only to be haunted by it later when you no longer associate or define yourself by whatever this thing was.
Then you cross paths with someone from your past, someone who holds this seemingly cement-like categorization of who you are or what you are supposed to look like, or who you are supposed to be. They imagine you as a physical manifestation of this thing and come to be devastated when you have blown their simplistic assumption.
It is hard for us to realize complexity. All the pieces that make up the human being standing before us. When is the last time you really saw someone? You saw them not just for this thing but you felt them, who they are?
Why are we so unwilling to truly connect with another? On the other hand, why are we simultaneously reluctant to share this real part of ourselves?
I used to wear heels in college, and I don't just mean sometimes, I mean all the time, everyday, everywhere. I was commended for this in many cases. I see or encounter folks who see me wearing simple boots, flats, or usually no shoes at all and the comments are endless. This in no way is meant to demean the beauty in gaining some much needed height, just to highlight there is more to me than my now relinquished shoe collection.
Today I sat meditating by this pond, I woke up and the first thing I saw were my ratty boots. Boots that I loved, boots with lots of stories, that I could not bear to throw away, despite the stuffing escaping their worn tongues. I thought to myself how different I felt and laughed at how I would previously be caught dead in shoes that did not get me to at least 5'4". I thought, I can't even remember the last time I bought a new pair of shoes, and literally tried, without success.
The truth is, the person I am now was always there, parts of me just clouded or lacking in clear expression. We are not our boots, our heels, or any other thing we come to be defined by. We are just who we are, always. We exist here at this moment in time perfectly, with potential for true self expression.
It is up to us whether we allow our true selves to be uncovered, whether we feel courageous enough to share it, raw and unfiltered. Or if we are even willing or capable of finding it for ourselves.
Surround yourselves with others who truly see you, in all of your imperfection with love and compassion. In a society where we mostly connect virtually, when we find someone who can truly see us and experience us, it is a bonafide rarity. Though scattered I have a network of folks that I hold near and dear to my heart. I believe it is our soulmates that are truly capable of seeing us, for all that we are. Gratitude pours from my heart as I think of all the beautiful people who I believe to be my soulmates.
With Love, Light, and Worn Old Boots,